Long distance relationship dating other people
He even began reading a book to help with his insecurities and anxiety.I wasn’t sure but, again, I gave him the benefit of the doubt. I never lied to him about my whereabouts or who I was with, and I made clear my intentions for our relationship.So he would ask who I was texting, and if I was free then why wasn’t it him I was talking to?When I went for a coffee with a male friend at work to discuss something business related, John asked why I couldn’t stay at work and discuss the issue there instead of going out for coffee.I was looking around and enjoying the view, people watching, when he became withdrawn and quiet. It’s easy tell yourself that he’s just acting a little over the top because he cares so much.He later said that he’d noticed I was watching a male waiter walk around the restaurant. The fact that John was acting jealous and insecure seems obvious now as I write this down, but it was less obvious then. Over time, though, these red flags became empty promises. He backed off for a couple of days, but within a week or two we were right back to the same old patterns. I tried conveying every way possible of my feelings for him—which were still strong.
When this happens in a LDR, however, the distance can even make you stay in the relationship longer than you would have otherwise.Looking back after it ended I saw the red flags more clearly, and I saw how early they had appeared—earlier than I had realized at the time.I recognized that I had seen warning signs of his real character and our incompatibility, and that my instincts had been telling me to back off for some time. I thought it was his nerves, his anxiety, his not wanting to be hurt again, or because he loved me so much. But a balanced person puts their own needs across, just not in a selfish way. It is not trying to control who they spend time with.He could not shake his thoughts and fears that I could be cheating was something he couldn’t shake.
I visited the USA six weeks after our first visit, still hoping he could change in this area. He wouldn’t let me out of his sight for a minute, even to drive into town to purchase dog food! I was very tired one evening after a busy day, so I said I’d talk to him the next day (our conversations were never just ten minutes, always at least an hour, and I just didn’t have the energy for that because I also had to be up early the next morning.) He texted me during that night to inform me he thought it was “bulls**t that I wouldn’t talk to him.” I began to feel emotionally manipulated, but doubt myself at the same time.